Getting Ready to Drive May 12, 2010

I am filled with excitement, like an eight year old waiting for Christmas. I can’t wait till tonight!

Tonight is when Chris and I embark on our trip down south. We will hit five states- Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana and Arkansas. I haven’t been to any of those states, and the thought of exploring them makes me smile. I love going places I have never been before- and this trip will be filled with that!

We will be in the car a lot- but that doesn’t bother me. Driving with my husband is always relaxing for me. He drives, I sit and take in the sights. I always have a pillow and blanket in the car- just like when we went for road trips when I was five! What can I say- I like being cozy.

The trip down will be on the Natchez Parkway- an old, historic road. It is filled with stops along the way- Cypress Swamp and Emerald Mound are a couple I am excited about. The Emerald Mound was a ceremonial center for Native Americans- I can’t wait to take pictures!  We are starting the parkway in Nashville and taking it to the end- Natchez, Mississippi. Natchez happens to be only three hours from New Orleans- so we figured why not take in some cajun culture?

As I look at beautiful pictures of stops along the way, I feel happy to be in Kentucky. We are a car trip away from the old south. We are less than ten hours from upstate New York or Washington DC. There are so many new places around me, and I can’t wait to see them!

A Baby Bernd April 25, 2010

After my miscarriages all I wanted was to get pregnant again and have a healthy baby.  My wish came true and I am pregnant again, only I forgot all of the worries that come with being pregnant!

Once you have lost a baby it is easy to second guess everything that happens to you in your next pregnancies. That is how I was for a couple weeks. Oh no, I don’t feel sick- what’s wrong with me? Oh no, is that a cramp I feel? Every little thing can be turned into a mountain.  This isn’t good for you or the little baby you are responsible for.

Anything can go wrong, that is a possibility in life- but I don’t want to live my life in that fear.

Being past the worries and feeling optimistic about the pregnancy is great. It gives me the space to be excited about having a baby. Our ultrasound last week added to this excitement. We are now twelve weeks and the baby looks more like a baby in an ultrasound. It is an amazing experience to see the tiny living thing that is inside of you. He or she was moving around and swinging its leg. It makes the pregnancy that much more real.

Chris and I will get to go through a lot of those special ultrasound moments! Because of what happened with Dominic they want us to get ultrasounds monthly for now, then twice a week when I am twenty-six weeks.  We will get to see our little baby a lot.

Those ultrasounds, even though they are exciting, are scary for about a second. As soon as we see the heart beat we are at ease and can relax knowing our baby is doing okay.

Showing off Lexington… April 9, 2010

Being in Kentucky is amazing. It has given Chris and I the opportunity to get to know the beauty of a new part of the country. The rolling hills and green landscape has grown on Chris and me. We love the bluegrass and we love to show it to those we love.

We had that opportunity this past week, when my sister and her family visited. We got to show them around our new state, and it made me appreciate where we live even more.

We drove around and took in Kentucky in the spring, which is a first for me since we moved here in June. Spring is beautiful here. The trees and flowers are blooming and the grass is already bright green. The sun is always out, and there is often a soothing wind to cool everyone down.

I am glad my sister got to experience this beautiful time of the year here. She brought her husband and three daughters and they all enjoyed it in Lexington.  They went to several distilleries, drives around horse country and to horse parks.

One of the most amazing things we did while they were here is we went to the Kentucky Horse Park. We saw Man O’ War’s grave and I read much about him. He was a race horse who had a short but memorable career. It is amazing to me how people admire horses here in Kentucky and they really are apart of the culture. They make Lexington Lexington. Going to the Kentucky Horse Park reminded me of this love of horses and made me appreciate them more myself.

The beautiful statue of Man O' War

Seeing my sister and her family was great. It made me wish I got to see my nieces more than I do.  That’s life, I am in Kentucky now distanced from my family.   I am just happy knowing they are a phone call or plane trip away- and that they can always come visit the bluegrass! And of course we can go back and see beautiful Seattle.

Spoiler Alert! My Review of Crazy Heart March 7, 2010

A musician with an alcohol or drug problem. We see it all of the time in movies. Walk the line,  Ray,  and now Crazy Heart.

Crazy Heart is different. It focuses on the character, “Bad Blake,” in the current times not on flash backs. Many of these type of movies have flash back after flash back. Crazy Heart focuses on the present on how a relationship changes this very troubled washed up country star.

It is a positive movie. Bad goes through a lot of hard things and through it all he is resilient,  although he does have his whiskey bottle to help him. The journey Bad follows is tough but it is a positive one, and I appreciate that in a movie.

This movie is real. You see Bad’s pain and his addiction and you see him grow. I always like that in a movie, when a character changes and becomes a better person. You see this in Gran Torino, an absolutely amazing movie.

It made me look at my life and first of all be thankful that I don’t have addictions. I get made at my husband Chris’ drink or two of whiskey, but he doesn’t have anything on Bad Blake! It also made me look at life and think what I am passionate about? Bad is an amazing musician. What do I have to offer?

Oh the music in Crazy Heart.  It will keep your foot tapping the whole movie. And who from my generation knew Jeff Bridges could sing? I definitely walked away respecting Bridges so much as an actor. His performance was gritty and amazing.

The backdrop of this movie is New Mexico, and I now really want to go there! The buttes and hills were depicted beautifully. Through out the movie the sky is  purple or pink – gorgeous!

All and all I learned so much from this movie, and I throughly enjoyed myself. I didn’t want the movie to end, which does not happen to me very often!  It was just a beautiful film that is a definite must to watch.

Our Spoiled, Wonderful Pets! February 27, 2010

Through all of the things Chris and I have been through there has been a constant. As sappy as this sounds this constant is our pets.

When we didn’t want to get up in the morning, we had a smiling face (those of you who know Scarlett know her smile!) begging us to get out of bed and face the day. It has eight long months since we lost Dominic and Scarlett has been by our side trying to make us happy the whole time. She is full of energy and life, and it’s contagious.

Happy Dog!

Scarlett has helped remind to just be happy. Her attitude is one we can all learn from! Just enjoy life.  That isn’t always easy for most of us. With the stress of jobs, and life it is easy to forget the positives.

For me, there has been a lot of work related stress lately. I come home and I immediately feel a weight lifted off of me. I see my adorable animals and I forget about my horrible day.  Some how cats and dogs lower my stress. Playing with them and petting them helps me  not take everything so seriously. It helps me be calm.

It just amazes me how two little furry creatures have really enriched my life. It makes me really excited to have kids one day. I can only imagine how much they will add to my life and all I will learn from them.

Off to Louisville February 18, 2010

The winter days seem never ending here in Lexington. Snow, ice and temperatures below freezing- we have it all.  Somehow I don’t mind it too much. It is cozy and the snow makes everything look beautiful.

Chris and I ventured out last weekend, on a typical cold day and visited Louisville. It is only an hour drive and has a place Chris and I love… Costco.

Our quick drive to Louisville was scenic. We drove by the horse farms, including our favorite The Thorough Bred Retirement Community.  The highway drive was beautiful. There was a stretch where we were surrounded by snow covered rocks.  I never dreamed Kentucky was so beautiful.

We reached Louisville, which is much larger city than Lexington. We felt at home in the downtown area, it was just like Seattle. All of the tall buildings and the waterfront- which Lexington does not have. That is one thing I really miss about Seattle, the beautiful Puget Sound- there is nothing like that here!

We walked around downtown and could barely feel our fingers it was so cold! And the town was empty, no one else wanted to be outside on a mid-twenty degree day.

We came to our senses and got in the car. We drove around old town and Church Hill Downs.

Old Town was beautiful. There were many historical homes. The brick seemed endless!

It is wonderful to live in a quaint city like Lexington, and I love that a large city with different things to offer is such a short, beautiful drive away.

Why do I Work with Kids? February 6, 2010

For some reason I have always to be drawn to jobs where I take care of kids. Babysitting, teaching, nannying- I’ve done it all.  I often wonder why.

Right now, I am a preschool teacher for four year olds and it is difficult. I have days where I have just lost my patience. I have said use your listening ears, use your nice hands, and use your quiet voices- one too many times. I get to a point where I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how to make the kids listen to me and I get frustrated.

I have always enjoyed the sweetness of children, but being around lots of children every day makes you forget how wonderful they can be. Sometimes you can only see the bad.

The kids I work with are mostly on state subsidized daycare and preschool programs. Many of them have been through a lot and consequently act up frequently. It tests my patience and I often fail.

Then I try to remind myself why I am working with these kids in the first place…

I am trying to be a positive influence in these kids lives, and I am trying to get them ready for kindergarten. I introduce them to letters and reading. I really try to help and that is why I am there.

I genuinely enjoy being around them and helping them. They make me laugh and are adorable.

All and all I am learning the obvious fact that kids don’t always behave perfectly. They have their tough, very tough in some cases, moments.  They also have their wonderfully sweet moments. They have the days where they write a prefect letter C or sit still and listen to stories, and it makes it all worth it.

Working with kids isn’t always easy, but it is rewarding. It is my life, and I guess all and all I love it.

Seven months in the Bluegrass January 27, 2010

Chris and me in our kentucky home!

I can’t believe we’ve been in Kentucky for seven months. It feels like just yesterday Scarlett was chasing bears in North Bend! How time flies!

Our time in Lexington has been pretty good. We have fallen in love with the friendliness of people in Kentucky. Their smiles and kindness have made Kentucky feel like home, even though we haven’t been here very long.

One thing that we like about being in the south is how close we are to so many different places. Upstate New York is just a nine hour drive. Tennessee is just a couple hours away. Chicago is just six hours. To east coasters these may seem like long driving times, but to someone from the northwest they are amazing!

Seven months is also how long it has been since we lost our son. It hasn’t always been easy, especially not being close to the people we love the most.

In a weird way being somewhere new has been nice at times.  Not everyone knows what happened so we don’t get all of the sympathy, which is hard for me to deal with.  Chris and I have just had each other to count on, and it has brought us close together.

All and all being in Kentucky is wonderful, I just wish it were closer to Washington and Edmonton!

Scarlett in our new home!

The Beauty of Winter January 17, 2010

This was a draft from a week ago that never got posted for some reason!Winter days in Lexington are cold and lazy. All I want to do is stay under the blanket, I don’t want to face the cold.

I forgot what negative temperatures felt like- I had put the misery out of memory. The piercing cold reminds me of my Upstate New York and Montana days. I remember I can get through this winter!

Scarlett frolicks around the yard like all is normal. She barks at any bird, dog, car that goes past our yard. The cold doesn’t faze her. If only I had her tolerance for cold.

Snow has fallen and covers yards and streets. Everything is a glistening white. Although we aren’t spending a lot of time outside, we do appreciate the beauty of winter.

The beauty of snow, silently falling from the sky. The beauty of lakes and ponds, that have turned to hard ice. The stingy cold, turning my cheeks a rosy red. These are the joys of winter, a truly memorizing season.

Home sweet home! December 31, 2009

The view from Chris' parents deck.

Going to Washington is like going back to an old part of my life. It is wonderful to see those I love, but it is odd to be somewhere that is no longer my home.

We visited person to person, place to place that used to seem so familiar and now is distant. It was a little sad.

Sad, that things have changed so much but happy that Chris and I have moved on.

There is some peace in knowing that we can always go back to Washington and reconnect with our old home. We can see friends and family and enjoy beautiful Washington. The evergreen trees and grey skies will always be special to me.

I miss everyone so much, but there is a calmness in being back in Kentucky. We can unpack and get back to our life here. No going place to place.  No chaos.

Even with the tranquility of being home I can’t help but look forward to the next time I get to see my family. I miss them so much and life isn’t the same with out them.

For now I am going around our house and putting up framed pictures of those I love, so I can always see there smiling faces- as corny as that is!