After my miscarriages all I wanted was to get pregnant again and have a healthy baby. My wish came true and I am pregnant again, only I forgot all of the worries that come with being pregnant!
Once you have lost a baby it is easy to second guess everything that happens to you in your next pregnancies. That is how I was for a couple weeks. Oh no, I don’t feel sick- what’s wrong with me? Oh no, is that a cramp I feel? Every little thing can be turned into a mountain. This isn’t good for you or the little baby you are responsible for.
Anything can go wrong, that is a possibility in life- but I don’t want to live my life in that fear.
Being past the worries and feeling optimistic about the pregnancy is great. It gives me the space to be excited about having a baby. Our ultrasound last week added to this excitement. We are now twelve weeks and the baby looks more like a baby in an ultrasound. It is an amazing experience to see the tiny living thing that is inside of you. He or she was moving around and swinging its leg. It makes the pregnancy that much more real.
Chris and I will get to go through a lot of those special ultrasound moments! Because of what happened with Dominic they want us to get ultrasounds monthly for now, then twice a week when I am twenty-six weeks. We will get to see our little baby a lot.
Those ultrasounds, even though they are exciting, are scary for about a second. As soon as we see the heart beat we are at ease and can relax knowing our baby is doing okay.